Thursday, 3 January 2008

Life begins at 74!

Some people have limited expectations about the future, but today I had great expectations. These "expectations" were for overnight snow sufficient to render it impossible for me to make my way into London.

Let's face it, it wouldn't have taken a lot of snow to achieve this - the UK rail network is capable of grinding to a halt without the intervention of anything at all, whether snow, soggy leaves, or falling or jumping passengers - but not a flake fell anywhere near us.

You would imagine that in this litigious age I should be able to sue somebody, or something. I am sure that Carol Kirkwood, BBC's chirpy weatherperson, "promised" me snow.

Failure to deliver on this "promise" deprived me of a "lie-in", and caused me temporary depression - which for legal reasons I consider to be a disability.

That's the problem with looking forward to something that doesn't carry a cast iron guarantee with it, so often you end up being disappointed.

My work colleagues also said that they were disappointed that the lack of snow had enabled me to get to work, and I am taking this to mean that they were disappointed "for me". What else could they mean?

However, some people never give up hope and continue to look forward to the future. So if you have a birthday today, whether you are 60, 74, 80 or 102 just think of the example set by Eric King-Turner and his wife Doris who have decided to emigrate to New Zealand.

They are both looking forward to a long future ahead of them where Eric hopes to spend his time indulging in his passion of fly fishing, in a country "...similar to Britain, but less crowded.".

Not that unusual you might think, apart from the fact that Eric is 102 and Doris is 87!

So for any Birthday Girls (or Boys), having giving you hope for the future I will now share the (scientifically proven) world's funniest joke as my present to you.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man whips out (...wait for it!) his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the man says: "Okay, now what?"
Look out Eric, are you sure that that was a walking stick that Doris was packing?

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