Queen tells Gordon Brown to "...Get lost!"

This week the French President - Nicolas Sarkozy - was entertained by the Queen at Windsor Castle as part of his 2-day "state visit".

Part of this "entertainment" was a banquet in St George's Hall at Windsor Castle attended by the British Prime Minister and other dignitaries (sorry that should have read "...Prime Minister and 149 dignitaries").

It was prior to this banquet that our Prime Minister - Gordon Brown - went missing.

Having previously criticised George Bush for not knowing his left from his right, or being able to fight his way out of a paper bag (let alone Vietnam, Korea, Iraq etc) it is only fair that I balance the situation with a suitable "dollop" of scorn on our Gordon.

Getting lost, whilst embarrassing, does not in itself signify a total lack of ability with regards to "running" a country, but sparking a constitutional crisis regarding our dear (quite expensive) Queen is another thing altogether.

How did this happen? Well, when a Downing Street spokesman was asked how Gordon had got lost, the spokesman insisted that Gordon Brown was just "doing what he was told". Therefore by implication the Queen had told him to "Get lost", and Gordon being an obedient soul, did just that.

The video in the link below even shows the Queen being quite amused at Gordon's misfortune. It is a very short clip, and the Queen can be heard saying to Princess Anne: "...The prime minister got lost. He disappeared the wrong way....at the crucial moment." At the end of the clip you can also hear Sarkosy starting to call out to Gordon...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_7310000/newsid_7316700/7316744.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&asb=1&news=1&bbcws=1

"...Gordon!" Sarkosy shouts, just as the clip ends, but those who were there state that he then said "...Gordon! You Loser! Why are you sat behind a bunch of flowers? You were supposed to be sat next to Her Majesty, but we didn't know where you were...so I sat there!!!"

To err is human...but to "misspeak" takes a Clinton

There appears to be a certain mental condition or aberration that exists within the Clinton family that results in them having a clear grasp on reality.

Back in 1998, clenching his jaw and pointing his finger for emphasis, President Clinton denied, in far more forceful terms than before, that he had had a sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky and coached her to lie about it.

"I want you to listen to me," Clinton said, as he glared at cameras. "I'm going to say this again, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time -- never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people."

At the time I thought that Bill had been "lying". Now I realise I was w..w..wrong!

Hilary Clinton has recently claimed, in a recent description of a 1996 trip to Bosnia, that she landed amid sniper fire. Mrs Clinton did this when she gave a foreign policy speech designed to demonstrate she is more battle-ready to be commander-in-chief on "day one" than her less experienced rival, Barack Obama.

Her recollection of her landing near Tuzla was nothing if not vivid. "I remember landing under sniper fire," she said. "There was supposed to be some kind of greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."

The above picture of Hillary and her daughter Chelsea clearly shows them both running with their heads down, and had the resolution of the picture been even better, presumably we would actually be able to see the sniper bullets to which she referred!

Or maybe we wouldn't because CBS News has now aired footage showing her calmly alighting from her military aircraft and indeed participating in an arrival ceremony. At this point I once again assumed that she had been lying in her recent speech.

Seemingly, once again I was w...w...wrong!

It appears that neither Hillary nor Bill were "lying", it is just that they both "misspoke"!

I had never heard of this term before, but given that it has been used by some of the most powerful people in the world, I guess it must be OK. It is also comforting to know that I have personally never lied about anything in my life.

But as for "misspeaking"? Possibly!

2008 Christmas No1

After mentioning Obama's New Hampshire speech yesterday, I was interested to hear reports of some of its detail, which I hadn't listened previously listed to, but which appeared to reach out to the people, of all ages.

With his wife and daughter by his side and referring to Hillary Clinton's victory, Barack O (as he's known on the street) eloquently, and some would say lyrically, covered issues of race, diversity, decision making and choice as he recounted in his southern drawl what messages he had been delivering in the hustings.

He told the democrat supporters present: -

"...And I told about equality, an' its true, either you're wrong or you're right. But, if you're thinkin' about my baby it don't matter if you're black or white"

How prophetic!

Without wishing to over analyse exactly what each word meant, I believe that he has often referred to America itself as being his "baby", something he cares almost as deeply about as his own child. These selfless words reflect his desire for change and for the American people to decide between either him or Hillary Clinton, and that despite his personal ambitions it doesn't matter which of them they choose, because whichever one they choose, that choice is better than the Republican alternative.

The man is almost becoming a rock star, and is already the 6/4 favourite at Ladbrokes to be No. 1 in the UK singles chart this Christmas (presumably - and this is a prediction - beating Chantelle, from Essex who will win the fourth X Factor series after "amazingly" coming from behind (?) to beat Gavin, 21, a 17-stone, peroxide blond, gay, male Liverpudlian op/rock vocalist from a broken home and who only got to the final with the support of his"friend" Derek, 53 from Cheadle, and who will became famous throughout the series for crying more than singing - sweet!)

Technology - and a Prime Minister - gone mad?

Now it has to be said that I have more than a passing interest in the latest hi-tec gizmos, but I cannot quite understand some of the digital and wireless technology available in 2008.

Apparently, Geotherm Wireless showers are "...remote-controlled from anywhere in the house".

Excuse me?

Why, if you're in the shower would you want to control it from anywhere other than "IN" the shower.

I accept that if you have unwelcome guests staying with you, it might be fun to send them on their way to "freshen up" with a nice hot shower, wait downstairs until you hear them singing the theme tune from Disney's 'Enchanted' (a very good film by the way!) and then zap the remote temperature control down to minus 5 degrees, turning on (presumably by another remote control) the radio to a volume sufficient to mask their cries of pain.

Other than for this type of "high jinx" I can think of no other reason for the existence of this shower.

The previous 13 words also come to mind in relation to Gordon Brown's Cabinet whose latest offering of "health checks for everyone", at a time when you can wait up to 4 weeks in A&E just to see a hospital porter; when a visit to hospital usually results in you leaving in a less healthy state than when you went in, and when junior doctors still work on average for 32 hours per day.

(Please note that these statistics have been provided by the usual experts!)

The only people who actually go to their doctors are people wealthy enough in that they have a job and because they have a job are (sadly) deluded enough to think that they might be suffering from "...work-related stress" - that is to say, the "wealthy, worried, (but actually) well" - whereas those who are genuinely sick often can't either afford the prescription or afford to be able to take time off to see the doctor in the first place - even assuming they can get an appointment!!

Nice one Gordon!

Is Obama Sin Laden?

It must be extremely annoying - albeit totally avoidable - when after many years of striving to achieve political office, an individual's moment of glory is marred by the "gutter" press publishing damaging news of either prior financial ruin, sexual misdemeanors or some other act which succeeds in damaging their reputation before they've even had time to build one.

There have been plenty of examples of political indiscretions, of which the following are just 3 in a long list: -

Bill Clinton, the former US President, who, with reference to Monica Lewinsky stated - "I did not have sexual relations with that woman".

Charles Kennedy, the former Liberal Democrat leader, who in an interview with David Dimbleby declared - "Yes, I'm actually an extremely moderate and infrequent consumer of alcohol as a matter of fact."

Mark Oaten, the disgraced Liberal Democrat MP who stated - after being outed - that "...going bald and a mid-life crisis had led him to have an affair with a male prostitute.

[Clearly Bill's eyesight was poorer than we knew ("...AW sorry, I thought you were pointing at THAT woman"); Charles didn't have frequent spells of drinking alcohol, just one and therefore he was by definition an infrequent consumer of alcohol. However, the one time that he had drank alcohol lasted from 1988 to 2007!; Mark, on the other hand was simply a bald, gay man, who had been pretending to be a liberal democrat MP!]

So what is the position with Barack Obama? Does he have a past laden with sin, or is he as clean-cut and wholesome as he is being made out to be? If he has skeleton's in his cupboard, should he let them out now or risk having them let out for him in the future, thereby destroying his prospects of making US political history and becoming the first black US President, and also the first President with a name that invites those around him to "...jeer or shout at him".

So Mr Obama, if you have a drink, financial or marital problem in your past let us know now so that the American people can decide whether or not you are fit to become the most powerful man in the world.

However, if your problems are either intellectual or involve corruption, dishonesty or deceit, then feel free to keep them secret. George Bush has all of these qualities and he survived for 2 terms!

But how?