50 not out!

I spent part of this evening laid on a bed surrounded by women in uniform fussing over me and ensuring that I didn't faint, whilst I did "...something amazing" and gave a pint of blood.

In a blood "giving" period of nearly 30 years this was only my 18th pint, and whilst in cricketing parlance this is an annual "strike rate" of 60%, it pales into insignificance with MN&D, who, with an annual "strike rate" of 167% gave her 50th pint.

Nor am I able, were I even willing, to catch her up, as I can see that she has a century in her mind. Whilst presents were, quite rightly, heaped upon MN&D (well a nice badge and a very nice, engraved "Cross" pen)

I was treated somewhat dismissively, and with what some might consider to have been somewhat condescendingly.

"You haven't given for quite a while have you?" one nurse asked, quickly followed up with, "...have you been working abroad? That's usually why men don't give for a while!"

Maybe I'm being a bit paranoid but I think there was a definite emphasis on the word "men", plus the fact that because you have to complete a 96 page medical and personal biographical history before they even prick your finger for a blood sample, they know more about me, my whereabouts, my holidays, my sexuality, than even I do.

They know I haven't been working abroad. So I would have rather they had said what they were thinking and had instead come over to me and said: -

"Good evening Sir, I see you haven't given blood for 4 or 5 years, couldn't you be arsed? We note from our records that the lame excuse you've given previously is that we only come to your town on a Friday evening and you like watching Question of Sport on TV, is that right? If so, would you like us to mark your records as "waster" or "shirker"?

Now, whilst I was being treated in this way, MN&D, was (somewhat worryingly) coming up with a new (?) idea to encourage people to come to the blood doning clinics.

She invented - Slow speed dating. She figured that when you give blood, you spend about 10 minutes lying on a bed next to a stranger who you (well obviously not me or her!) could get to know a lot better.

The advantages over normal speed dating is that you know you have a least one thing in common, AND they've had their medical (and sexual) history checked out in the 96 page questionnaire. Now when I say that this notion came to MN&D this evening...I'm not so sure.

Her idea did seem quite well "honed". What has she been getting up to on her many visits? Never mind the score of 50 not out, has anyone been trying to bowl this maiden over?

This isn't just science....it's M&S science!

In a previous blog I have made reference to some of the products that this British institution sells, and have been somewhat critical at times.

However, one should not let it go unnoticed that they have great plans to reduce the level of waste that they produce by 2012.

Their to plan is to "change beyond recognition" the way M&S operates. Initiatives within the 100-point plan include transforming the 460-strong chain into a carbon neutral operation; banning group waste from landfill dumps; using unsold out-of-date food as a source of recyclable energy and making polyester clothing from recycled plastic bottles."

In this way they hope to play their part in the fight against climate change.

All of this is extremely laudable, and demonstrates the seriousness with which they are addressing the issue.

Or so I thought...

Yesterday on visiting the store I noticed the sale of a product that is either: -

• an attempt to avoid having to implement the above plan, or
• possibly a less than full understanding of what needs to be done to tackle the issue

I am referring to the fact that M&S now sell -

Blue Harbour °Climate Control Pure Cotton Stripe Polo Shirt
£15.00
Product Code: T285563B°

It is attitudes like this that have helped to enable leaders such as George Bush defend America's "gas-guzzling" economic strategy, with the implication that this most important issue of all time can be resolved by wearing a particular kind of T-shirt!

Even the description of the item may confuse those with a less than average IQ -

"The Outlast technology behind this innovative fabric was originally developed for astronauts and is recognised by NASA as Certified Space Technology"

When did you ever see an astronaut wearing a T-shirt in space?

You'll never guess who I (nearly) had in the back of my cab last week

Thankfully, due to the fact that there were no serious casualties from the crashed BA Boeing 777 flight at Heathrow last week newspaper headline writers were free to "play" around with the fact that the Senior first officer's name was Coward, and that he rather than the Captain (whose name was unhelpfully Peter Burkill) was the real Hero.

"Real Hero was a Coward", being the most common offering.

On first hearing of the crash on my car radio on Thursday afternoon, I was struck, initially with incredulity, by the comments of a taxi driver who had been on the airport perimeter road at the time of the crash and who had recounted that the plane had "...just missed the roof of my cab".

I imagined that this was both extremely unlikely and also a ruse to enable this London cabbie to be able to recount in future - in true cabbie style - "...You'll never guess who I nearly had in the back of my cab the other week....not only a Boeing 777 and its 152 passengers and crew, oh yes!..."

However, it appeared as though, having just missed the perimeter fence before crash landing, that this cabbie's tale was not as exaggerated as I first thought.

I am however waiting for the Green "lobby" (WARNING: - don't say this word over and over again, as you may end up in a retirement home with Noel Edmonds - Deal?) to draw the connection between this, near catastrophic event and the pollution caused by aircraft taking off and landing at one of the world's busiest airports.

Campaigners were out in force last week protesting (and presumably campaigning) against further airport expansion at Heathrow, claiming that both the noise and pollution from aircraft, particularly in communities within two miles of the airport, were having a damaging effect on both the people who live there (sorry, by "both" I don't mean to make it sound that there are only two people who live there) and the environment.

Once they connect their view with those of the Air Accident Investigation Branch's findings that all had gone normally until the aircraft was just 3km (two miles) from touchdown and at a height of 180m (600ft). At this point it appears as though the plane had lost all power.

So, it is therefore possible (almost) to land a plane after shutting off the engines in the final 2 mile approach, thereby significantly reducing pollution in the process. Had the plane been at a height of 700ft rather than 600ft, nobody would have known about the incident!

Now whilst this innovative idea, works for landings, it doesn't quite transfer as well to take-offs.

So I was thinking that we could either: -

• harness the power of prayer, (from those thousands of passengers that would in future be praying that their "gliding" planes would land safely), thereby utilising the theory that for every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction, or


• combining/joining together the red elastic bands that the UK's postmen discard in front of every house in Britain every day and making several giant catapults to project the planes skyward.

If the above "ideas" don't "prove" that necessity is truly the mother of invention, I don't know what does.