Clinton loses chance of Democratic Party nomination

Whilst I clearly don't want to tempt fate, it appears as though Barack Obama, has just sealed the Democratic Party nomination by doing....nothing.

It will not be his momentous "race" speech that will do it, even though the strategy of testing the response of the nature ahead of the Philly primary, was a great tactic, as he had little to lose, as he is currently 12 points behind Hills.

What has just secured him the victory has in fact been a 6 year old video of Hillary Clinton lending her support to....Heather Mills.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WlFsVi5zuhc

Whilst some may question Obama's choice of friend & local priest, everyone will question the Hillary's judgement over who she considers to be worthy of praise. And if anyone is worthy of praise about anything, it is not Heather Mills!!

This is a little sad as I was just about to suggest that Hillary could possible start to use a new campaign slogan, that re-worked the saying "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - something like "A bird in the House is worth two x George Bush", but now I won't even bother.

Macca's "dame" does her nut!

And so, the judge has finally decided that Heather Mills shall recieve the princely sum of c£24million for her four year marriage to Sir Paul McCartney.

Apparently she was asking for £125m and he had offerred £16m, therefore whichever you cut it, the settlement is far more in line with what was offerred as opposed to what was sought.

This reminded me of the Mastercard "Priceless" adverts - one of which described a young woman's "Favorite Things" and their price. The advert can be see at the above link, but was supported by the following commentary: -

Riding boots - $600

Vintage helmet - $129

Dive mask - $125

Zero gravity flight - $3,700

Fencing foil - $97

Singing lessons - $183

Getting the most out of life - "Priceless"

Heather Mills' version of the above advert

First class travel - £5m

Luxury holidays for life - £20m

Two Victorian Mansions - £45m

Bodyguard protection from the press - £10m

A staff of 50 to wait on every move - £45m

Convincing the public that you are not a manipulative, money-grabbing, vindictive old "harpie" - "Priceless"

The close relationship...

I was thinking how much the UK is influenced by activities in the US, when I was reminded of the following joke (?): -

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the sixth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to America but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to America so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed long and loud and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Atlantic? Think of how much concrete...how much steel. The Waves, The Wind, the Weather No, think of another wish."

So the man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

Some good job interview advice!

There was time when I would go to extremely long lengths (or as I'm not too good a swimmer, to extremely long widths) to keep secret anything embarrassing that I might have done or been involved in - whilst obviously being as open and sharing as one could be about the exploits of others.

Not any more - I have seen the light - and am also typing one handed with one arm being twisted behind my back, by her indoors, who has, by a combination of persuasion and violence, persuaded me once again to "redress the balance".

This "tale" occurred around the end of the 1990's when I applied for a job in an HR department in a large company in London. I was lucky enough to get an interview, and whilst I had been to the building before, and also knew the interviewer, decided to get there a little early to "prepare myself".

The job itself was in "employee relations" which would mean getting involved in disciplinary & employment tribunal issues, and also investigations into the wrongdoings and misdemeanours of the company's employees.

Shortly before the allotted time for the interview I decided that I would visit the "Gents" toilet, (or Restroom for my American readers) to make myself "comfortable".

Both the Ladies and Gents toilets were situated next to each other on the first floor landing, and could be visited before (or after) entering the working floor itself via a security pass.

I went into the toilet and entered a cubicle and (I won't go into all the detail here) sat down.

As I was sat on the toilet I heard the footsteps of another person entering the toilet. Nothing particularly unusual about that you may think, and you would be right up to a point as I had noticed that there were about five cubicles...but there was something that started to feel a little bit odd.

The footsteps were somewhat different. Not the firm, heavy footsteps of a man, but the lighter, "pitter, patter" footsteps of a woman in heels. Why had a woman entered the men's toilets? Maybe it was a female cleaner, not realising that one of the cubicles was occupied.

As I sat there waiting for - amongst other things - her to leave, I looked around me.

To my left was a tallish metal "bin", with a torn label on the top, with the only words that I could make out being "...tary towells". Odd. I then started to think about the layout of the toilets. As I have said there were about five cubicles, and.....no urinals!

Arghhhhh I was sat in a cubicle in the ladies toilets waiting to go for an interview for a job in employee relations!!!!!

Instead of being interviewed for a job, I could end up being interviewed as part of a sex discrimination investigation!

Now I could lie and spin out this story, but in reality I simply waited for the woman to leave and after a few minutes made what can only be described as sharp exit! I wasn't seen by anybody else and miraculously "got away with it".

However, to this day, I pause as I enter any public toilets, to check the sign before I go in.

So my advice if you're going for an interview, particularly in HR, would be...don't drink or eat for 3 hours before the interview, don't go to the toilet, before, during or after and if that is not possible - if you need to wear glasses due to poor eyesight, MAKE SURE YOU WEAR THEM!

What defines being British?

After spending recent days musing on all things American, it is perhaps time to remind the listening (OK reading) world (OK not the entire world but this blog is now read in 18 countries!) what "Being British" is all about.

Being British is: -

Driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and the most British thing of all? - Suspicion of anything foreign!!!

Oh and......

1. Only in Britain...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in Britain...do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
3. Only in Britain...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
4. Only in Britain...do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
5. Only in Britain...do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
6. Only in Britain...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
7. Only in Britain...are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

So if you have a passport - I'm sorry that this excludes the majority of you Americans - why not pay us a visit!

2008 Christmas No1

After mentioning Obama's New Hampshire speech yesterday, I was interested to hear reports of some of its detail, which I hadn't listened previously listed to, but which appeared to reach out to the people, of all ages.

With his wife and daughter by his side and referring to Hillary Clinton's victory, Barack O (as he's known on the street) eloquently, and some would say lyrically, covered issues of race, diversity, decision making and choice as he recounted in his southern drawl what messages he had been delivering in the hustings.

He told the democrat supporters present: -

"...And I told about equality, an' its true, either you're wrong or you're right. But, if you're thinkin' about my baby it don't matter if you're black or white"

How prophetic!

Without wishing to over analyse exactly what each word meant, I believe that he has often referred to America itself as being his "baby", something he cares almost as deeply about as his own child. These selfless words reflect his desire for change and for the American people to decide between either him or Hillary Clinton, and that despite his personal ambitions it doesn't matter which of them they choose, because whichever one they choose, that choice is better than the Republican alternative.

The man is almost becoming a rock star, and is already the 6/4 favourite at Ladbrokes to be No. 1 in the UK singles chart this Christmas (presumably - and this is a prediction - beating Chantelle, from Essex who will win the fourth X Factor series after "amazingly" coming from behind (?) to beat Gavin, 21, a 17-stone, peroxide blond, gay, male Liverpudlian op/rock vocalist from a broken home and who only got to the final with the support of his"friend" Derek, 53 from Cheadle, and who will became famous throughout the series for crying more than singing - sweet!)

APOLOGY - RETRACTION

Due to the difficulty in both creating content for this Blog whilst at the same time reviewing the many (OK two!) comments received, it is not always possible to ensure that the comments made are neither inappropriate nor offensive.

I must therefore apologise for the comment that briefly appeared after yesterday's entry, prior to me being able to withdraw it. The reference to Paul McCartney & Heather Mills proved too much for one person who sadly added the following comment:

Paul McCartney stated that he was surprised that Heather Mills was trying to secure such a large divorce settlement, as he had always been very generous to her during their marriage. He stated that the year before their split he had bought her a plane!

Although she still used IMMAC on the other leg!

Many apologies for anybody who was upset by this comment!

Link betwen divorce and cheese discovered!

Once again we set out into the great unknown of a new year that is to be 2008 with confusing facts all around us.

Apparently, according to an article in this morning's paper, in 2006 the number of divorces in Great Britain was 18% lower than in 1992, the year that Prince Andrew and Fergie (of the royal, rather than black eyed peas variety) split.

This raises a number of questions. Firstly why do some statisticians take so long to produce their data and is this any reflection on their overall level of expertise?

I don't want to know about 2006's figures I want 2007's. Secondly, how do the UK's figures compare with the rest of the world.

Apparently the UK divorce rate is running at 53%, but, the experts (ha!) state that these are nowhere near as high as in Sweden (64%), Russia (65%) or Belarus (68%).

They go on to state that: -

"...one factor that has never been fully quantified is the temperature, since the highest divorce rates all occur in sub-zero temperatures."

I must say that my earlier concern regarding the aptitude of these experts is increasing. When faced with the serious issue of divorce rates - it is a significant leap across the statistical divide to create a link with temperature as the most significant cause.

Some ill informed individuals (of which I am clearly not one) might offer contradictory views such as "...Rubbish, what do you expect? Have you never seen a Belorussian woman?"

To which I would have to respond "...no, but I have seen Anna Kournakova so what's your point?" (Thank you Charlotte - but you don't actually have to point every time!).

Linking divorce rates with low temperatures is as useful or insightful as linking it with the number of stray cats in the country, or mice, or cheese. Come to think of it each of these items - especially in Belorussian 'cartoon-land - is related. There are (really there are!) large numbers of stray cats in Belarus, presumably due to a plentiful supply of mice, who can surely only survive in the low temperatures with copious supplies of cheese. (What do you mean mice don't really like cheese?)

Therefore, as valid a causal link as low temperatures and high divorce rates is that of cheese and high divorce rates. Whilst a somewhat bizarre theory, we should really try to persuade others that it may be true. Otherwise George Dubblya Bush, may try to use a continuation of global warming policies as a means of increasing the sanctity of marriage in the US.

In a another headline today, it was stated that: -

"Paul McCartney has operation on his heart".

Is it only me, or the vast majority of the population in the UK who immediately thought of the words "...after having been broken by Heather Mills"!