Accidents do happen

I should make it clear that this entry in no way relates to the previous blog concerning the Catholic Church's revised list of sins nor its negative stance on contraception.

It could refer to Alistair Darling - although doesn't - as I believe in producing blogs slightly longer than two words.

"Accidents do happen - Alistair Darling"

does seem somewhat uncharitable, although after yesterday's Budget - TOTALLY DESERVED!!!! I want to drink AND drive, albeit clearly not within close succession, and HE has made it even more expensive to do so.

But, as I said this is not about he who shall be called, "The Badger" (see previous blog - "Should the badger be culled?").

In fact it relates to Alexander Martin-Sklan who lost his £300,000 compensation battle with M & S after claiming he slipped on a grape!

Mr Martin-Sklan, 55, an accountant was also ordered to pay £15,000 of the retailer's legal costs as a High Court judge told him: "Accidents do happen."

He had claimed he developed "deep depression" after slipping and tearing a thigh tendon in the fall. However, I think it far more likely that he developed deep depression because of the ridicule that he must surely have received from all and sundry when they realised that he was suing M&S for tripping over a grape.

Mr Martin-Sklan had asked for £315,815 in damages, (I personally think that by not simply claiming £300,000, he was trying to prove that he was a proper Accountant & had actually worked his losses out!! Wrong!!!) claiming that the psychological and physical effects of his accident had blighted his accountancy business and left him unable to play tennis or football.

This man is neither safe to play any kind of sport due to his total lack of balance and co-ordination, nor should he be an Accountant as his sums just don't add up!

Now I should add, in my usual self deprecating manner, that today I was in fact the victim of as serious an accident as Martin Grapeman, in that whilst attempting to eat my lunch at my desk I stabbed myself with a baguette and made my lip bleed. I should also add that it was a particularly crusty baguette and that I was clearly struggling with the co-ordination required with eating - open mouth, then put food in mouth - is a far better sequence than the one I managed but...it really hurt!!!

This isn't just science....it's M&S science!

In a previous blog I have made reference to some of the products that this British institution sells, and have been somewhat critical at times.

However, one should not let it go unnoticed that they have great plans to reduce the level of waste that they produce by 2012.

Their to plan is to "change beyond recognition" the way M&S operates. Initiatives within the 100-point plan include transforming the 460-strong chain into a carbon neutral operation; banning group waste from landfill dumps; using unsold out-of-date food as a source of recyclable energy and making polyester clothing from recycled plastic bottles."

In this way they hope to play their part in the fight against climate change.

All of this is extremely laudable, and demonstrates the seriousness with which they are addressing the issue.

Or so I thought...

Yesterday on visiting the store I noticed the sale of a product that is either: -

• an attempt to avoid having to implement the above plan, or
• possibly a less than full understanding of what needs to be done to tackle the issue

I am referring to the fact that M&S now sell -

Blue Harbour °Climate Control Pure Cotton Stripe Polo Shirt
£15.00
Product Code: T285563B°

It is attitudes like this that have helped to enable leaders such as George Bush defend America's "gas-guzzling" economic strategy, with the implication that this most important issue of all time can be resolved by wearing a particular kind of T-shirt!

Even the description of the item may confuse those with a less than average IQ -

"The Outlast technology behind this innovative fabric was originally developed for astronauts and is recognised by NASA as Certified Space Technology"

When did you ever see an astronaut wearing a T-shirt in space?

When is a cake not a cake?

For many this may seem a somewhat irrelevant question. However, when you have declared at the start of the year that you would give up the 3 C's - Cake, Crisps and Chocoalte, the distinction can be extremely important.

As is often the wont, in UK offices, when a team-member has a birthday, they often buy cakes to celebrate.

This may appear, to the uninitiated, somewhat back to front, but hey who said that life makes sense?

Today, was young Debbie's birthday - well I say young, I think that she may now be 44, which according to the Evening Standard is the worst possible age to be - and she brought in some "cakes".


Oat, cranberry and yogurt clusters - which clearly sounded healthy?




Rocky roads - which I've been on a few of in my life, and...




...Jaffa cakes




It was at this point that the conversation - seemingly in an attempt to deprive me of any enjoyment, or food - turned to the difference between biscuits and cakes. This was partly due to my insistence that a Jaffa "cake" was not actually a cake at all, but a biscuit.

Such was the opposition to this view that I was forced to undertake some detailed research and did in fact establish (this is true!) that: -

Under UK law, no VAT is charged on biscuits and cakes — they are "zero rated".

Chocolate covered biscuits, however, are classed as luxury items and are subject to VAT at 17.5%.

McVitie's classed its Jaffa Cakes as cakes, but in 1991, this was challenged by Her Majesty's Customs and Excise in court. This may have been because Jaffa Cakes are about the same size and shape as some types of biscuit.

The question which had to be answered was what criteria should be used to class something as a cake or biscuit. McVitie's defended the classification of Jaffa Cakes as a cake by producing a giant Jaffa Cake to illustrate that their Jaffa Cakes were simply minicakes.

They also argued that the distinction between cakes and biscuits is simply that biscuits go soft when stale, whereas cakes go hard. It was demonstrated that Jaffa Cakes become hard when stale and McVitie's won the case.

The issue was revisited in an article entitled 'Are Jaffa Cakes really, biscuits?' published in the Journal of Unlikely Science (Volume 1, issue 7,2005).

The article attempted to classify biscuits via a scientific analysis of various features (size, shape, filling etc.) and determined that the Jaffa Cake should be regarded as a biscuit, or 'pseudobiscuit'.

Now I think that it is rare that the HM Customs and Excise ever get (or admit getting) anything wrong, and so I decided to side with them and declared the Jaffa cakes to be biscuits are proceeded to take one to eat....

...until I was reminded that even if they are a biscuit, they are a chocolate covered biscuit, and that I had also pledged to give chocolate up as well...

Mmmm..anybody got a carrot to munch?