Had a nice day at the office dear?

The infamous "they" say that there's more than one way to skin a cat, which says a lot about "they" or "them" or whatever they like to be called.

There are also many different ways to view the same issue. For instance, some (I think they may be a sub-group of they) would say that after a hard day at the office, the chance to sit down with a drink in one hand, and some food in the other, contemplating the world around them would be a pleasant way to unwind.

However, I choose to disagree!

Due to a localised power failure the Jubilee line, the only underground in and out of Canary Wharf was suspended at about 5.30pm. No problem if it had only lasted for 5 or 10 minutes.

It didn't! - Four and a half hours later it was still suspended.

I had decided to stay at work a few (OK four) hours longer, to let the 50,000+ Canary Wharf employees gradually find an alternative route home, and so I reached the DLR station at about 9.30.

They hadn't!

It appeared as though about 20 or 30 (not thousand, just 20 or 30!) had walked, or ran, or swam home. The rest of use were waiting fora train on the Docklands Light Railway (DLR) which was in the news the other week as it was increasing the length of its trains to accommodate more passengers ahead of the 2010 Olympics.

It hasn't!

Well not the one I tried (and failed) to get on. These trains - plural, but in reality running 15 minutes apart - would look more at home in an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine. Especially if they've ever had an episode entitled "Danny the DLR train and 50,000 angry passengers playing sardines".

I eventually got on a train and headed towards the City. In fact we headed towards the City quite quickly! As the DLR is a "Light" railway, when you cram four times as many passengers on it than it was designed to carry, when it goes downhill it does a fantastic impersonation of a runaway train! (...and she blew!)

Anyway I eventually got to London Bridge station where I planned to catch the 22.11 train towards Brighton.

I didn't!

I got to the platform at 22.11 and 30 seconds, just as the train was pulling away.

The next train was not until 22.41, and hence I the reference at the start of this blog to me sitting down with a drink in one hand, and some food in the other, contemplating the world around me. Happy? Me? Hah!

However, this luck could change as I apparently drew out the favourite in the Grand National Sweepstake at work.

Isn't Dobbin a strange name for a racehorse?

The curse of noise pollution

I have noticed as a long standing (albeit to be fair, usually sitting) commuter that the collective patience of my fellow travellers can be tried by the most simple of things.

Whilst on some routes maybe noise and laughter abound, on my regular 6.35am journey into London, the silence is only punctuated by the occasional snoring of already tired executives and the turning of newspaper pages.

These noises are generally classed as acceptable, as are the gentle tapping on laptop keyboards, as last minute presentations or briefing papers are prepared for early morning meetings.

However, there are unwritten noise limits, which if broken - such as by very loud snoring, or heavy handed thumping of keyboards - will bring a collective turning of heads that couldn't be better synchronised, if it had been choreographed by...by...someone famous for choreographing simultaneous head turning events - i.e. NOT Arlene Phillips!

Anyway, generally everyone stays within the rules, noise levels are low and eye contact generally avoided.

Every so often somebody new will join the carriage, which is sort of OK, as long as they don't sit in my seat, or opposite me and take up more than their half of the table (Not that I use the table, or that they don't need more than their half, but just that it is a line that shouldn't be crossed. In fact, it would be far better if the tables had permanent markings showing each passenger's personal working space or allowance !) or stretch their legs beyond their half of the floorspace etc etc.

These new people, especially if one of a pair and (not wanting to stereotype but, if they are over 60, female, wearing headscarves, slightly deaf, overly excited about going to London - most probably for the first time in their lives - and overly anxious about going to London - most probably for the first time in their lives...can you you see a theme emerging here?) travelling together, are invariably way too LOUD.

However, today's annoyance - which appeared to cause more frustration than yesterdays 6 hours of commuting time - was the fact that somebody was sending a text message, with the key "tones" switched on.

Had it been Beethoven in the carriage, bleep, bleep, bleep , bleeeeep, might (although I'm not totally convinced) have been accepted as potentially, the inspiration for something greater than a mere text message.

(For historians reading this blog (Ha!) I do accept that the above suggestion is somewhat unlikely given that Beethoven died in 1827, the first passenger train didn't arrive until 1833, and I didn't invent the videophone until 1969 but it was used for illustrative purposes only.)

Anyway, the musical texter in our carriage was no Beethoven, in fact he was more like Tolstoy (yes I know he's dead too - such a shock!) as his text was akin to War & Peace, with each letter emitting the same monotonous musical note.

How he got to the end of his novel/text message without having his phone implanted somewhere as dark as where both Tolstoy and Beethoven are buried I'm not sure, but survive he did, as did we.

However, I do think that tomorrow we should all practice our collective tutting, which over time has got slightly out of synch!

British Rail Network needs counselling

A week ago I started my day with an extremely pleasant walk across London (From Victoria to Trafalgar Square via Hyde Park Corner, Green Park & St. James' Park, in the early morning sunshine.

This morning I have endured what can only me described as total travel chaos!

The 6.35am train into London didn't arrive until almost an hour later. This was due, we were told, to "sensitive rail conditions".

Now the weather this morning was a little bit chilly (but not freezing) and it was quite foggy (but trains generally travel in straightish lines, without junctions to cross or roundabouts to manoeuvre around) but I'm not sure what additional difficulties this would have caused.

In addition, whilst Science wasn't by best subject at school, I had always thought that metal, and in particular iron, was a fairly "hard" substance, a relative "skin-head" of the material world, and not one that could generally be described as "sensitive".

(Whilst 2 previous blog entries have explored the question of "What is irony?", and whilst rail tracks are "irony", I'm not sure the articles will provide a great deal of assistance.) What might have caused this level of untoward sensitivity? Could it have been by an inability to "go off the rails", (given that they are the rails), or the fact that they are always on the "straight and narrow"?

Maybe this is just petulance, and a a sign of their need to rebel once in awhile. If so, one can draw parallels with the police, who with a "no-strike"clause in their contracts, took to the streets in a fit of 'police pique' last week by way of a 20,000 strong peaceful demonstration. I have no problem with the latter, especially as their protest was made in their own time.

For that matter, if the rail network wants to freeze up or melt down or take whatever action it believes is appropriate, at any time between the hours of 2am - 5am, then I would not mind. I feel the same about caravans - let them go where they like in the very early hours of the morning as long as they don't inconvenience me!

However, today's rail sensitivity contributed to a door to door journey time of four and a half hours to travel - in a straight line - about 40miles.

Compare this to the fact that when not totally fit, and whilst somewhat overweight I managed to jog the 26.2 miles of the New York Marathon in 4hours 20 mins, and I may have identified a cheaper, greener and almost time effective method of getting to work!

Or maybe not.......