Another useful invention - Dragon's Den here I come!

I have mentioned previously (The advantages of flying - 10 November 2006) that whilst flying is clearly a faster mode of travel than some you could mention, published “flight times” can be somewhat misleading.

The scheduled flight time from Sharm el Sheikh to London Gatwick is only 5 hours 25 mins, and yet our total “door-to-door” journey time was almost double at 10 hours!

This non-productive time was made up of the following elements: -

Hotel to Airport - 25 mins
Check in & passport control - 25 mins
Waiting time in Airport - 1 hour 15 mins
Boarding plane - 15 mins
Wait on runway at Sharm el Sheikh - 10 mins
Flight time - 5 hours 20 mins
Unboarding plane - 10 mins
Waiting in baggage reclaim at Gatwick - 1 hour 25 mins!
Collecting car from long stay car park - 15 mins
Car journey home - 25 mins

There appear to be two well defined elements associated to “waiting time” that can make it “feel” as though that time is passing even more slowly than it actually is.

The first is when nothing appears to be happening, and the second is when the waiting occurs in the middle of the night.

Having arrived back at Gatwick bang (more of a bump than a bang actually) on time at 1 o’clock in the morning, the (almost) one and a half wait for our luggage seemed almost twice as long.

After an hour’s wait, a BAA employee decided to undertake an act, which in another situation might have been classed as an act of bravery. In front of 160 tired, and somewhat annoyed passengers he (and this is where the de-FIB-rillator was required) lied!

“…Ladies and gentlemen. For those of you waiting for the baggage from flight XL6091 from Sharm el Sheikh, I must apologise for the delay in this arriving in the baggage reclaim hall. This delay is due to the late arrival of the flight….”

To a man, woman & child (Even the Whistler who had the cheek to travel back on our flight, but the sense to sit 20 rows away, and out of earshot!), the assembled throng shouted “…it wasn’t late!!!” but the fib had been made (and was even repeated about 20 minutes later).

Had we been able to use the de-fib-rillator (which is another instrument that I have invented which is a cross between a medical defibrillator and a polygraph test), which if it can be applied quickly enough can result in the truth being told rather than the pack of lies that in some cases appear to spew from the mouths of certain individuals.

In this case, had the de-fib-rillator been applied in time the above announcement may have been as follows: -

“…Oi, you lot. Due to the fact that there aren’t enough baggage handlers employed at night, ‘cause it costs more due to having to pay them overtime, they can’t deal with more than one plane at a time. In fact the slightly early arrival of your plane co-incided with one of their 8 tea breaks, and we’ll be lucky to get your luggage onto the conveyor belts this side of Easter. Any further complaints regarding these delays will be conveyed to the baggage handlers directly, who will, if possible, then attempt to place your luggage on the next available long-haul flight out of Gatwick, so if I was you, I’d stand still and shut up! At least you’ve had a holiday. Thank you for your patience! "