50 not out!

I spent part of this evening laid on a bed surrounded by women in uniform fussing over me and ensuring that I didn't faint, whilst I did "...something amazing" and gave a pint of blood.

In a blood "giving" period of nearly 30 years this was only my 18th pint, and whilst in cricketing parlance this is an annual "strike rate" of 60%, it pales into insignificance with MN&D, who, with an annual "strike rate" of 167% gave her 50th pint.

Nor am I able, were I even willing, to catch her up, as I can see that she has a century in her mind. Whilst presents were, quite rightly, heaped upon MN&D (well a nice badge and a very nice, engraved "Cross" pen)

I was treated somewhat dismissively, and with what some might consider to have been somewhat condescendingly.

"You haven't given for quite a while have you?" one nurse asked, quickly followed up with, "...have you been working abroad? That's usually why men don't give for a while!"

Maybe I'm being a bit paranoid but I think there was a definite emphasis on the word "men", plus the fact that because you have to complete a 96 page medical and personal biographical history before they even prick your finger for a blood sample, they know more about me, my whereabouts, my holidays, my sexuality, than even I do.

They know I haven't been working abroad. So I would have rather they had said what they were thinking and had instead come over to me and said: -

"Good evening Sir, I see you haven't given blood for 4 or 5 years, couldn't you be arsed? We note from our records that the lame excuse you've given previously is that we only come to your town on a Friday evening and you like watching Question of Sport on TV, is that right? If so, would you like us to mark your records as "waster" or "shirker"?

Now, whilst I was being treated in this way, MN&D, was (somewhat worryingly) coming up with a new (?) idea to encourage people to come to the blood doning clinics.

She invented - Slow speed dating. She figured that when you give blood, you spend about 10 minutes lying on a bed next to a stranger who you (well obviously not me or her!) could get to know a lot better.

The advantages over normal speed dating is that you know you have a least one thing in common, AND they've had their medical (and sexual) history checked out in the 96 page questionnaire. Now when I say that this notion came to MN&D this evening...I'm not so sure.

Her idea did seem quite well "honed". What has she been getting up to on her many visits? Never mind the score of 50 not out, has anyone been trying to bowl this maiden over?

Accidents do happen

I should make it clear that this entry in no way relates to the previous blog concerning the Catholic Church's revised list of sins nor its negative stance on contraception.

It could refer to Alistair Darling - although doesn't - as I believe in producing blogs slightly longer than two words.

"Accidents do happen - Alistair Darling"

does seem somewhat uncharitable, although after yesterday's Budget - TOTALLY DESERVED!!!! I want to drink AND drive, albeit clearly not within close succession, and HE has made it even more expensive to do so.

But, as I said this is not about he who shall be called, "The Badger" (see previous blog - "Should the badger be culled?").

In fact it relates to Alexander Martin-Sklan who lost his £300,000 compensation battle with M & S after claiming he slipped on a grape!

Mr Martin-Sklan, 55, an accountant was also ordered to pay £15,000 of the retailer's legal costs as a High Court judge told him: "Accidents do happen."

He had claimed he developed "deep depression" after slipping and tearing a thigh tendon in the fall. However, I think it far more likely that he developed deep depression because of the ridicule that he must surely have received from all and sundry when they realised that he was suing M&S for tripping over a grape.

Mr Martin-Sklan had asked for £315,815 in damages, (I personally think that by not simply claiming £300,000, he was trying to prove that he was a proper Accountant & had actually worked his losses out!! Wrong!!!) claiming that the psychological and physical effects of his accident had blighted his accountancy business and left him unable to play tennis or football.

This man is neither safe to play any kind of sport due to his total lack of balance and co-ordination, nor should he be an Accountant as his sums just don't add up!

Now I should add, in my usual self deprecating manner, that today I was in fact the victim of as serious an accident as Martin Grapeman, in that whilst attempting to eat my lunch at my desk I stabbed myself with a baguette and made my lip bleed. I should also add that it was a particularly crusty baguette and that I was clearly struggling with the co-ordination required with eating - open mouth, then put food in mouth - is a far better sequence than the one I managed but...it really hurt!!!

Is it because I'm black?

It is clear that the comments of Geraldine Ferraro when she claimed that Barack Obama was "...only successful because he was black", have been heavily criticised, and have resulted in her having to resign from the Clinton campaign team.

However, doesn't this signify progress in a world that has too much discrimination? (whether on the grounds of race, sex, sexuality, disability etc etc).

When Ferraro said "If he was a white man, he would not be in this position", the implication was that he was "lucky" to be black.

Now I'm not sure that luck had a lot to do with it. More a case of genetics and black parents I would have thought.

But "lucky" to be black? It's not long ago that such a comment would have been inconceivable. To suggest that somebody was at an advantage because they were black, would have been considered (if there were such a word) oxymoronic!

Maybe, and I realise this is a controversial thing to say, just maybe, he is ahead in the polls because he is better than the opposition! Or would such a comment be considered to be sexist?

It's a sin....apparently

Whilst not wanting to annoy or upset anybody who is a devout believer of their respective religious faith, but I was somewhat perturbed by the Roman Catholic church's updating of its list of mortal sins yesterday, which now include 21st century issues such as pollution and genetic experimentation.

Whilst not technically governed by their rules, not being a "club" member, I was always reasonably comfortable with the concept of traditional mortal sins - that is, those which break the Ten Commandments and include murder and adultery.

It seems "reasonable" to me that committing such sins warrants the need for "club" members to confess such gross misdemeanours to a priest and if not absolved or forgiven, will lead (this may be a little on the harsh side) to a person's soul being condemned to hell.

The situation is no longer quite so clear as mortal sins will now include: -

• genetic experimentation,
• tampering with the order of nature,
• pollution,
• social injustice,
• causing poverty,
• excessive wealth, and drug abuse

Now - albeit not for the first time - I am a little confused.

I had thought that the Catholic Church was against contraception (their own version of a non-proliferation treaty perhaps?), and yet they now add to the list of mortal sins, a whole heap of "stuff" that is child-related, and therefore exacerbated by their previous stance.

Having kids is in fact a form of genetic experimentation, and despite my best efforts (I really was trying!) our children have some of my traits - although thankfully for them, not too many!

Also, there is a cycle which lasts for many, many years which goes something like this: -

Drugs - during birth, Ethonox - after birth, Kalpol - poverty - years of room tidying up the pollution caused by "the little ones", in the face of toddler/child/student protestations of "...tampering with the order of nature" - drugs (prescribed obviously, but usually Valium or some other anti-depressant!) - post liberation feelings of excessive wealth, only to be quickly replaced by the realisation that all things - like one's children - are relative!

So it will be that in future Roman Catholics men will have to confess to their priest, something along the lines of "Forgive me father for I have sinned...I am a Father".

The priest on the other hand should not be a father as he should have sworn an oath of celibacy!

Confusing isn't it?

Time and how to waste it

The title of today's "blog" was kindly (another example of British sarcasm) suggested by 斯蒂夫, my cousin's husband (and therefore not a "blood" relative!), and for those who have read the previous blogs, you will understand that he is not the Chinese one.

I believe that the inference in his suggestion was that this blog was an example of "time wasted", but I'm sure that I can find better examples...

For example - this week was the anniversary of the birth of Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone - but after devoting most of his life to this task.....who did he ring????

Another - the education of George W Bush. It is alleged that when advised that 3 Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq, his face went ashen, before he asked - "How many is a Brazilian?"

The world's deadliest virus

Sometimes it is hard to explain the female brain - although a valiant attempt was made in my previous blog entry - "Compexity of women's mind identified..."

As constant users of the Internet and email we, as a couple, are always keen to ensure that we don't open up any suspicious looking "attachments", even when their titles belie the dangers that may lurk within.

I was therefore somewhat amazed yesterday when MN&D (My nearest and dearest - and I'm not just referring to proximity & cost here!) opened an email attachment entitled "World's deadliest virus".

It actually turned out to be a public service video, highlighting the significant dangers of the common cold - to men, and is well worth a watch! Enjoy!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=60jj4hZw7ds&feature=related

A case of mistaken identity

This week we have seen another example of political correctness gone mad, with a small primary school publishing a "doctored" photo of some of their pupils on the Internet, to avoid it getting into the wrong hands.

This action has been criticised by many groups and led to complaints from all and sundry.

One particularly forceful group of complaints came from the Smiley family - pictured above. They stated that the school's actions had ridiculed their - less than normal - appearance, and would now not be able to go out in public without people recognising them!

See also previous article in 2006

Lies, damned lies and...statistics!

There is a well known fact that "1 in 5 of the world's population is Chinese", so that if you are a family of 4, then you each of you know where (and how tall) you stand, whereas if you are in a family of 5...!

Well, who is it?

I have cousins in America, and one of the families consists of Ang, Gabs, Phil, Jamie & and 斯蒂夫! Clearly, well statistically, one of them is Chinese, but I'm not quite sure which one...possibly Phil!

That is the problem with statistics. They rarely prove anything, but they are presented as though they prove everything.

Today's London Evening Standard statistical offering was:-

"...£40 a mile on the Tube...it's cheaper to fly to New York..."

Clearly, given that I travel on the Tube for 260 days a year, and for a journey that is most probably 4 miles each way, if the latter statistic is true, my annual season ticket would be £83,000 on top of the cost of getting to London.

Whilst expensive, it is somewhat less than this cost!

And then...and then, on the opposite page to the above article there sits an article under the heading of: -

"Greenpeace fury over jet's US flight with just five people"

Apparently, an American Airlines flight from Chicago to Heathrow flew 5,000 miles with just 5 passengers on board, using 22,000 gallons of fuel, at a "real"cost of about £22k per passenger.

It was for the above reasons, that on arriving in London this morning, I decided not to take either the Tube or the plane to the office and took a quick trip down the Thames on a boat at a cost of £2.60!! Bargain.

Happy Mother's Day

I don't want to spoil this traditional day of celebration / American day of commercialism but.... as we were shopping today in (creepy) Crawley, we walked past an Ann Summers shop.

Whilst I don't normally look in the window of this shop (honest!) I couldn't help noticing a sign that mentioned Mother's Day "gifts"...

Given the type of products sold in this shop who would ever buy anything in this shop for their mother on Mother's Day?

A little bit of trouble with wind!

There appears to be a growing number of "air disaster" stories in the news of late, with either planes falling out of the skies or pilots falling off their trolleys.

First there was the BA pilot named Coward, who let his first officer carry out a dangerous landing at Heathrow; then there was the pilot who went slightly mad whilst flying from the USA to London, and had to be carried out of the cockpit in "restraints", shouting that he wanted to speak to God!; there was also the recent example of the pilot who sadly died on the flight from London to Turkey; and today we saw the case of a Lufthansa pilot with a severe case of wind.

If you are thinking of flying anywhere soon you might not want to watch the attached video, but I can assure you that everyone arrived safely, with nobody hurt at all.

Also remember that you stand more chance getting kicked to death by a donkey than you do dying in an air crash - although as they also say, the chances of 300 people getting kicked to death by 300 donkeys on a airport runway, is slightly less likely!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_7270000/newsid_7274600/7274640.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&asb=1&news=1&bbcws=1